on this day
oor granddaughter cam tae bide
nae fur lang it was oan her way
she wis a very tall lassie
taller than when we last seen her
ah dinnae ken how she grew that big
but her faither is tall
though her mither is wee

ah asked her
if she wis a laddie or lassie
thinking she wis a lassie
being oor granddaughter
but ah thought
these days ah should ask
an git it richt jist in case
she hinted that she wis a lassie

so ah asked her
if she minded being a lassie
ah mean ye ne’er know
she said it was ok
ah asked her
if she minded daeing lassie things
ye ken cleanin washin cookin
wid she no prefer tae be a laddie

nah she said
without thinking it through
she asked if ah did
ony cleanin washin cookin
ah laughed and said na
she said why no
ah looked at her in awe
na ah said again

ah hae yin
so why would ah dae that
yin what she asked
yin of thae things
which mak me a man
and which you
probably dinni hae yerself
oh she said

she thought
ah see
that maks ye special then
weel aye ah says
very special
oh she says thinking again
ah can hear
the wheels grinding

then she knocked me flat
ah cud be gay she says
mair male than yersel
ye ken neither here or there
an lbtg or is it a ltbj or ljtb
ony how ye ken
whit ah mean she said
ah wis flabbergasted

the first thing
ah cud think of tae say wis
they letters are confusing
ony way they confuse me
nae easy tae ken
whit they mean
how are people
meant to ken them

why cud they no just say mixed
or blended that sounds guid
easier tae remember
a guid blend o folk
wi a pleasant humour
folk nae being odd
nae the same either
why hae ony differences

ah mean trees dinnae
thair awe the same
apart frae types
they live for ages
an grow big
they cud be better than us
nae relationships
thae reproduce alone

yin day probably a fine day
drop their seeds
which land all aboot
wee criters eat them
an they end up
on the forest floor
one day a wee sprout emerges
a new tree stairts easy macineasy

so ye see
ah said tae ma granddaughter
there is nae need fir ye
tae say ye are ony gender
ye kin even wear
a wee skirt if yer a laddie
an call it a kilt
an nae be a lassie

ma granddaughter thought
ah cud hear thon wheels agin
soonds whit you hiv said she said
aboot life an awe
an thon thing ye are so proud of
aye thon thing i dinni hae
thon thing which means
ye dinni wash up dinni clean

is relatively pointless
in the long run…

it micht be better if we wir trees…

Ian Ferguson